Splitting Up Is Very Difficult To Do - Discover Who You Really Are

The individual who was once your best friend and your companion for life, the one who knew you better than anyone else, has now in some ways grown to be your enemy. You cannot believe that this has happened. How could this love have been destroyed? The breakup of a relationship is one of life's most emotionally unpleasant experiences.

A breakup seems easiest for couples who decide mutually to end the relationship. In most circumstances, however, as suggested by Bruce Fisher and Robert Alberti, in their book, "Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends", a breakup entails a dumper, the party who takes the initiative to end the relationship, along with a dumpee, the one who wants the relationship to continue.

Dumpees frequently say they had been taken completely by surprise by their partner's announcement. The breakup experience is often very different for each of the two parties. The dumper normally began preparing for the end well before the final announcement, and the actual parting typically comes as a relief for the dumper.

The primary emotion experienced by the dumper is guilt. The dumpee, on the other hand, is normally hit by surprise and with a great deal of pain. The turmoil of the breakup itself is usually much more intense for the dumpee, but it is this discomfort that can motivate far more personal growth.

For a healthy adjustment it's important to recognize which role has been assumed, dumper or dumpee, and to work on the issues appropriate to that role.

How long must I wait until I get into another relationship? Expect that it will take a minimum of a year before things start to feel at all normal again. For most of us, depending on the length along with the nature of our previous relationship, it will take two or three years. This may appear like an eternity, but in reality this is a great and precious opportunity to find out who you are as an unattached individual.

A word of caution is in order - don't expect to involve yourself with someone else immediately! You're on the rebound. To attach yourself prematurely in a love relationship is not fair to you and to the other person. You need to deal with important personal problems when your previous love relationship comes to an end.

Living through the transition and exploring these issues might be painful - and falling in love again might seem like the perfect way to end the discomfort. But if you attach yourself again too quickly, before you have a chance to discover the issues which led to your breakup and to begin to feel comfortable again as a single and independent person, the other person becomes a replacement object, and that is not what a healthy relationship is about.

You may probably carry into this replacement relationship the same problems that helped to lead to the demise of your former relationship - and similar events may very well take place again.

Your real goal is to discover who you might be and to explore what happened. Once you are at the point of being able to have a happy and fulfilled life as a single person, begin dating! But first get advice on love systems by browsing: deangelo and guy gets girl.

Then you can decide on when, or even if, you should involve yourself in another romantic relationship. When you know that you have that choice, you may be ready.

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